WITH all this cold weather I have been thinking of advertising for a winter boyfriend. Yes, that’s right a boyfriend for the winter months. Or at least the spring months that feel like winter.
Of course I have put a significant amount of thought into this and come up with a few essential features of the role.
1. Seasonal work offered with immediate start;
2. Must be available to hang out for snuggles mornings and evenings;
3. Temporary contract, reviewable when London’s weather gets its act together;
4. Unpaid position.
Apply to: Sandra@tubetalk.com
Then I had a thought…
I already have something in my life that pretty much ticks all these boxes. The Tube! I know by now my readers are thinking that I must have a strange fetish with this means of public transport, but a year and a half into being an expat in London I really think that this relationship is working.
Ok so the Tube isn’t seasonal, but I guess I can manage an all year-round boyfriend.
He is definitely available mornings and evenings for snuggles — in fact he is available all day for snuggles.
Temporary contract? Well, no one is making me ride the tube everyday.
And unpaid… well, that bit isn’t true. Mr Tubey does take a good chunk of my paycheck each month. So worth it.
After considering all the pros and cons, maybe a winter boyfriend is not the solution. Why advertise when the Tube fulfils all the essential criteria. He can keep me nice and warm in the colder months, he is there for me every two minutes or so, and I don’t have to listen to him chew with his mouth open or watch boring TV shows he loves and I hate.
Girls, take it from me. The Tube is your salvation this spring. He is cuddly, fast, impressive and smart. Just what every girl wants.