Zayne Malik quits One Direction; your life isn’t worth living any more. No, wait! Never fear, because sacked BBC Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson has stepped up to fill Zayne’s loafers, joining the biggest boy band… in the world.
Meanwhile, One Direction fans* around the world mourn what could be the beginning of the end for the troupe (remember when Robbie Williams left Take That?).
*Incidentally, the last great big sook featured at the end of this news report has told Reddit he was just taking the piss, but is still pretty stoked to be on TV.