A MAJOR earthquake measuring 5.2 on the Richter scale hit Australia in the early hours of Tuesday evening (19 June 2012), with the epicentre believed to be in the Gippsland Area of Moe. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly uttering, “*%#ell” and “Whadda *#%*”.
The earthquake has completely decimated the area, leaving a damage bill expected to exceed more than $3000. Several priceless collections, including mementos from the Torana Appreciation Society and the Moe Juvenile Hall, were destroyed in the quake. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their welfare cheques arrived.
Melbourne radio reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in the area. One resident – Tracy Sharon Smith, a mother of five said: “It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Levi-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Jerry Springer later in the morning.”
The people of Moe are a resilient community and evidence of a full recovery can already been seen.
The aid response from local charities has been swift. The Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 cases each of Bundy & Coke and PJ durries to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, which include Collingwood footy jumpers, Acca Dacca cassettes, Holden HSV bedding covers, Priceline jewellery and fine bone china from Bi-Lo.
Read more: Twitter buzzes with quake jokes after Melbourne earthquake
The Red Cross seeks to raise money for food and clothing, to be air-dropped as parcels for those unfortunate to be caught up in this disaster.
Donations of clothing are in demand. Items most needed include baseball caps; tracksuit tops (his and hers); flannelette shirts (female); footy socks; ugg boots.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include doner kebabs, McDonalds, KFC, ice cream and cans of UDL Bourbon and Coke; Passion Pop and VB.
Charities are also accepting cash donations through any Liquorland outlet. $5.00 buys chips, sausages, gherkins, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a small family; $20.00 will buy a packet of Winfield Blues 25s and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
Aid agencies have requested that no tents be sent into the affected area, as the sight of posh housing is unfair on the population of the neighbouring areas.**
**(Reminder – this is a satirical take on the Melbourne earthquake and any resemblance to the suburb or people of Moe is purely coincidental).
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