Paige Spiranac is single-handedly solving the spread of the virus in the US. Photo: Facebook
Sometimes you can’t make this stuff up. The US is in the grip of spiralling COVID-19 infections that it seems unable to control.
On Friday 26 June, the country which leads the world in total confirmed cases and deaths, reported more than 45 000 new infections. It was the third consecutive day that the US has broken the previous day’s infection record.
Prior to this week, the country’s largest daily total had been 36 738 on April 24. Now that seems like child’s play.
According to CNN, the man leading the country’s efforts to control the pandemic, Dr Anthony Fauci, has said “something’s not working” in the current approach.
Not to worry though, that’s all about to be sorted out. Because the US has got Paige Spiranac.
Paige, for those who are not in the know, isn’t just any pro lady golfer. Apart from being fairly handy on the golf course, she’s also the fantasy of every 18-year-old red-blooded male. And some males that are a decade or two older than that too.
So Paige is a looker. And she has a social media following to match – 2.7-million followers to be precise. When she has something to say – or show – there’s no shortage of male fans ready to look and listen.
Will they listen to her now, as she single-handedly solves the infection spread in the US?
According to a tweet from the 27-year-old blonde stunner on Friday evening, the problem is that too many people won’t wear their masks. But it’s easy to solve – for the male mask-objectors anyway.
“Guys refusing to wear masks but will shame women for going braless under their shirts,” she tweeted. “Consensus is masks on, bras off.”
Her tweet continued: “Masks on, no bras #freethenipple.”
In other words, if the guys wear their masks, the ladies across America will take off their bras as their reward for a rare display of common sense by the male population.
That’s it then. Problem solved. Dr Fauci will be able to sleep better now.
Others agree. “World’s Favorite Golfer Paige Spiranac Has Solved The Coronavirus Situation” blared a headline on the Sports On Tap sporting news website. “This is the leadership we have been waiting for around the country.”
Indeed. Americans will be very relieved. And Paige has a better hairstyle than Donald too.