What would it really be like with Bill Shorten as prime minister?

Using recent announcements and attitudes towards Coalition policies, I’d like to paint a picture of what Australia could look like if the opposition Labor party were successful in the next federal election and Bill Shorten became prime minister… Welcome to Australia in 2017.

Prime Minister Shorten has just celebrated the anniversary of his first year in the job.

He was very pleased to be elected in 2016 after a marathon election campaign which involved various speeches where Shorten proudly declared that he was ‘not Tony Abbott’. On his first day in parliament however, he realised that simply not being Tony Abbott was not a sufficient strategy, and drafted government policies live on ABC’s Q&A show with the help of audience members.

The Liberal Party were sure that replacing Tony Abbott with Malcolm Turnbull would be enough to turn voters around.

But unfortunately Malcolm found that most of the people who supported his leadership were loyal Labor and Greens members. He is a very popular opposition leader though and is greeted on the bus to work with high-fives and pats on the back.

Within months of being elected, Bill has cancelled trade agreements with Japan

Because PM Shorten feels strongly that we should not reconcile with countries that we have shared any form of conflict with. He has also pardoned many IS supporters as being ‘probably foolish’, asserting that any punishment for fighting with the terrorist group would ‘certainly’ be an injustice.

Foreign Minister Tanya Plibersek has made headlines

After she stormed out of the Ukrainian peace summit because world leaders failed to discuss climate change issues, Plibersek told the media that she just can’t understand why all people want to talk about is ‘resolving international conflict’ and ‘economic issues’ when the atmosphere is so full of carbon.

Treasurer Chris Bowen is unfortunately still unable to recall the tax-free threshold

So has asked Australians that if they feel that they earn enough money could they please give some of that to the government.

Wong and Dreyfus split ends

Senator Penny Wong is doing a pretty good job leading the Senate; however she is in a legal dispute with Attorney General Mark Dreyfus after she insulted his hair cut at an office party. Hairstyle is now considered a protected characteristic under section 18C so Mr Dreyfus is well within his legal rights to sue her for defamation.

And how is our economy doing?

Pretty terribly. Tim Tams are now considered a bit of a luxury as household budgets have had to cope with rising costs of electricity (that good old Carbon Tax is back again) and Prime Minister Shorten refuses to acknowledge that there is any kind of economic crisis, declaring that Australia can just keep on borrowing money.

And what about Tony?

He was considered a bit annoying and funny looking by voters, but the important thing is that Tony Abbott is no longer prime minister.

 

Onya, Straya.

 

IMAGE: Bill Shorten. (By Darrian Traynor / Getty Images News)