Coast to coast, the American way – by bus!

By Megan McIntyre

A sudden burst of light streams from the overhead lights, stirring most of the sleepers on board. “Sorry ladies and gentlemen,” our friendly driver whispers over his microphone. “It appears the station has moved on me.”

Sleepy laughter from some of the bus rouses those still dozing. It is two in the morning and disorientation is quickly replaced by moans as passengers stretch out cramps courtesy of the narrow seating.

“No, seriously,” the driver pleads. “If somebody is getting off the bus in Charlotte, please come up the front and let me know where the station is!”

“Rom,” I whisper to my friend, “he’s lost. The driver is lost.”

We are not fazed. This is our sixth overnight bus journey in two weeks, and we quickly became accustomed to mishaps. Blown tyres, medical emergencies, lost luggage, and now, a directionless driver. Greyhound certainly provided a gauntlet of experiences.

It was a simple enough plan, successfully executed by generations of backpackers. Buy a bus pass and cross the USA. From Los Angeles, we would cross the country from west to east, finishing in New York, stopping wherever we felt the desire along the way. An abundance of ‘red-eye’ trips reduced accommodation costs – anything to save money for the stops we would make along the way.

The journey from coast to coast proved as memorable as the cities we visited. The drivers, with their simple rules, and fellow passengers left an impression of middle America one can not receive on a four hour flight or in the comfort of a train’s sleeper carriage.

Each trip began with the driver explaining a few simple rules. Each ended with Rom and I shaking our heads in bemusement at the ‘Only In America’ antics of fellow passengers.

Rule #1: “Cell phone users – please remember you are not auditioning for the Jerry Springer Show.”

Everyone aboard a Greyhound is heading to or away from something. Those with mobile phones are often loud enough to let their fellow passengers discover what that something is.

One young girl was travelling to visit her father, whom she had not seen for three years. A rough looking man, armed with a bunch of wilting flowers, was heading home to his pregnant wife.

The most memorable was a lady en route from Texas to New Orleans, who regaled the bus with tales of her new love and how she was heading to surprise him. A quick phone call to his house revealed that he was happily married and a surprise visit from his girlfriend was something that his wife may not entirely approve of.

Rule #2: “If your kid needs to use the toilet, go back there with them. If they get locked in, I can’t get them out. If they fall down, I won’t want to get them out.”

The toilet on the bus is like a black hole; the people who manage to emerge from the little room at the back of the coach never look the same. The stench it gathers after one or two uses means that unless your bladder is close to bursting point, you hold.

There are rest stops every two hours or so and it is then most people take advantage of the restrooms, allowing passengers on board a small relief from the smell of last night’s dinner.

Rule #3: “If you’ve been marinating your toes in the same pair of socks for eight hours, leave your feet in your shoes.”

This gets quite difficult on overnight trips. The seats are small and cramped for an average sized person, so given any chance, people occupy two seats and spread out.

What better way to relax and feel at home than by removing those shoes that you have walked around in for the last three days straight. For the sake of fellow passengers, it is best to leave the shoes on, or at the very least, make sure you have fresh socks and a spray handy.

Rule #4 Part A: “Don’t smoke. Don’t toke. Don’t drink alcohol…”

Most people using Greyhound are aware of this and happy to obey, although there is no denying that a good portion of those departing at New Orleans are either incredibly hungover or still digesting their breakfast of beer. Regular rest stops allow smokers an opportunity to light up and the zero tolerance on alcohol means most trips go smoothly from point A to B.

For those trying to board after a steady drinking session, the drivers will helpfully point you in the direction of a chair and provide the next departure time, before driving off without you. One gentleman did not approve of a driver’s suggestion and chased the bus onto the expressway, before falling over.

Perhaps in a last attempt to convince the bus driver of his eligibility for the bus, he removed his shoe and pitched it at the back of the disappearing coach. It was last seen flying backwards as he could not gather his senses enough to ably launch it.

Rule #4 Part B: “And don’t get your freak on.”

There was a time that Greyhound embodied the free spirit of hippies and the romantic notion of hitting the open road. Most middle-aged Americans we encountered scoffed at the thought of sitting on a bus from the City of Angels to the Big Apple. “Why do that when you can fly?” they would ask, bemused.

However, for one group of randy senior citizens, Greyhound provided enough cover for their wandering hands, as they relived memories on the back seat of one overnight voyage.

Rule #5: “Don’t cuss me out and don’t cuss each other out.”

This rule is the most obeyed. Respect from driver to passengers and back again emanates from the cramped seats. Your driver not only delivers you from one place to the next, but is a helpful source of information: where to eat, drink and sleep and more importantly, where not to. Even when the coach is sputtering back to the terminal to change a popped tyre, a driver’s sense of humour and personality keeps spirits high.

Bussing it across the States is a cheap way to travel, especially if you want to see a range of places and survive on a tight budget. But even more special than the price are the memories formed by sharing a bus with a broad cross-section of American society, those who are often hidden postcard views but reveal the heartland of the country.

Bus travel may not be glamorous and you may have moments where you wonder why you are doing it (especially when frantically searching for a lost bag at a bus change at 3am). But when it is all over, the good memories – memories of a midnight lightning storm illuminating the desert in Arizona and the joy of your first glimpse at the skyline of New York– are what remains strongest in your mind.

Want another way to see America? A hassle free version, without the pitfalls of the Greyhound experience? Why not have a look at Topdeck’s new American tours at Topdeck.travel/deals/born-on-the-4th-of-july