Stoke’s guide to getting it on at Europe’s ‘Big 3’

PROMOTION | Just like developing a moon-tan and being on the receiving end of a Heathrow injection, travelling to the Running of the Bulls, La Tomatina, and Oktoberfest are forgone conclusions for the travelling bogan living in London. While these are extremely cultured and exciting events, which we love, they are also great places to get it on, which we simply adore. And while getting a root* at a festival is like shooting fish in a barrel, there’s no harm in increasing your chances by arming yourself with a Tommy gun.

Attire is always an important part of anyone’s pulling arsenal, and at the world’s greatest festivals this is no exception. At the Bulls everyone sports the same get-up, so a bit of self-customisation is in order. Think sleeves as headbands, plunging necklines and/or exposed guts. Oktoberfest is all about the traditional dirndl, or lederhosen – traditional garb for the ladies and fellas respectively (the frauleins can rock either and still have their pick of the bratwurst). Tomatina is all about see through gear, though blokes should think long and hard, pun intended, when deciding whether to rock translucent pants or not. No one likes prawns in their bolognaise.

And while the regulations pertaining to decorum are a little more laissez-faire during festival time, one should behave in a way that behooves their carnal aspirations. Dancing is always advised as skills are irrelevant when giving it to a DJ Ötzi cover, as is liberal sharing of alcoholic beverages with both your fellow revellers and the front of your aforementioned festive finery. And while we don’t condone excessive alcohol consumption, we do strongly recommend you drink a lot. This should loosen your tongue, and give you the confidence required for a level 6 “lean in”, or even the Gold Coast swoop, which is when you hook the object of your affection with a loping forearm and pull them into your facial region like a three toed sloth with a bunch of almonds. Good luck, you won’t need it.

Stoke Travel operates camps to all of the Big 3 festivals, plus many more all over Europe – all for a flat rate of 50€ a day, with plenty of inclusions. We provide the perfect environment for people to “get to know each other” with our massive pre and post festival parties, judgement free dance floor and open bar. If you mention Australian Times when booking we’ll hook you up unlimited beer, wine and sangria, totes free. Check us out at Stoketravel.com 

*By “getting a root” we could mean “meeting the man/woman of your dreams and spending quality time together before eventually falling in love”, or we could just mean “getting a root”. The context is your call.